Saturday, August 27, 2011

I'm not crying, it's just raining on my face

I have almost survived two whole weeks!  I do have to say that these have been the most challenging weeks of my life.  As many of you have seen on facebook, I have been very emotional and am having a hard time being away from home.  God bless my new friends because they have to listen to me cry and vent about missing home.  You know the saying "you are your own worst enemy?"  Well, meet the!  I constantly remind myself of what I am missing at home and it is clouding the experiences I am gaining here.  For the last few days, my constant thought has been "why me?"  Why would God choose me to come and do this?  I have always been someone who likes comfort.  Granted, I haven't lived permanently at home since I was 18, but home was always just a quick drive away.  Before Honduras was even a thought, my plan had been to move home so I could spend time with Leia before she finishes school and establish myself at home with my family.  When God placed Honduras in my path, I was so excited because moving out of the country sounds really cool, right?  Well, easy to say until the move actually happens.  I was told that Satan would try to attack me once I got here, and man-oh-man has he ever.  My faith has been tested, my heart has hurt more than it ever has before, and I find myself focusing on everything negative.  I want to say "thank you" for the constant encouragement, bible verses, and prayers...they have all come at the perfet time and I am keeping record of it all!  In the midst of everything scary, I am extremely grateful to know that even when I don't believe in myself, I have wonderful people in my life who do.  One of my best friends asked me to start making a list of one good thing that happens everyday, so I am going to share quite a few of the cool things I have been able to experience.  Before I share the list, I ask for you to continue praying; pray that I realize God's purpose for me being here, that my heart softens, and I remember the reason I came.  I am still  wondering why in the world God chose me to do this, but He hasn't let me down yet, so here goes nothing!

Really Awesome Honduras Experiences:
 - Hello beans!  I am finally embracing the beans in this country...delicious and nothing like what they have in the states.
 - Never a dull moment when driving.  Our car situation is definitely one to laugh about.  We have a beaten up old Suzuki Samurai that is on its last leg.  I was laughing hysterically today while riding in it because I would be mortified to drive it in the states, but love it here.  I will get pictures for you!
 - New friends.  Bobby, Julie, and Dom have kept me somewhat sane.  When we are all together, there is nothing but constant laughter.  This is the best blessing!
 - The kids.  I have never met kids who are so quick to love.  Before they even knew my name, the kids ran up and hugged me.  Even though I only teach 5th and 6th grade, every student makes you feel loved.  For these children to have experienced so many horrific and tragic things in their lives, they love with everything they have.
 - Constant encouragement.  God bless everyone here because they have had to listen to my crying everyday but haven't complained once.  They have done nothing but encourage me and have kept me busy. We really are a family here...we do everything together and I am so very thankful for that.

And not only you, but anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields - whatever - because of me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life.
Matthew 19:29

<3 Lauren

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