I’m sitting here on the plane, staring out the window at the
indescribable landscape of Honduras, and trying to make sense of my
leaving. I began this journey in
tears and I am ending it in tears.
The only thing that comes to mind is, “God is so good!” I am leaving Honduras a very different
person – my view on life and what truly matters is so much greater now.
When I first moved to Honduras, I lived with a self-centered
attitude. I would have never
admitted that, and maybe it’s because I didn’t realize it, but I made so much
of this life about me. I spent the
first month being so concerned about what I was feeling and didn’t take the
time to focus on accepting the journey and seeing what God wanted me to
see. I wanted everything to be
“comfortable” – hot showers, a “nice” car, “normal” food…overall easiness. I remember feeling insecure about my
personality. I handled situations
and thought about things differently than everyone else did. At times I felt like I didn’t belong,
but I came to realize that the only reason I felt that way was because I was
making myself feel that way. I
didn’t always get along with people, and we had our share of “situations,” but
I needed it. I have spent my whole
life being praised for who I am and I felt like the same should be happening to
me in Honduras.
And then it happened…
Somewhere along this journey, I realized that this life has
absolutely nothing to do about me.
I am not the one who allowed this opportunity, I am not the one who
worked to teach, I am not the one who fed the hungry, I am not the one who
changed lives – it was Christ. I
am merely the body that God chose to use.
All that has been done has been done in His name and His name
alone. I am thankful that God has
blessed me with abilities and opportunities, but our daily lives are not about
our own fulfillment, but the fulfillment that comes from Christ.
I have spent my whole life believing in God, but believing
in God and knowing God are two very different things. I encountered God in Honduras – I truly met Him for the
first time. Before, I was so
focused on looking like the “perfect” Christian – good attitude, go to church,
go on mission trips, pray, read my Bible, etc. Want to know something? That has so little to do with being the people God truly
wants us to be. I’m not saying not
to do those things, we are called to do those things to strengthen our walk,
but until we fully submit our lives to Christ and accept our nothingness, we
will never really know Him. Until
we realize that we are nothing without Christ, we will live empty lives,
constantly seeking and never knowing why it is we feel that way.
During my time in Honduras, God was able to use us to
accomplish the following:
· Provide
schools supplies for Honors Academy Honduras
· Provide
shoes, clothing, food and other necessities for gang families
· Provide
shoes, clothing, food and other necessities for teen girls
· Financially
support families in need
· Help send
children to school
· Allow one
young girl the opportunity to play in her school band
I have never seen God more alive in one place. He always, always found a way to
provide. God would stretch me and
I would find myself in moments of worry or panic about finances, but the
support always came at the exact moment it was needed. I really found what it means to fully
rely on the Lord and His provision.
No one can provide in the way our Lord does.
I come away from this experience feeling more burdened, but
more humbled and thankful than ever.
My vision has been reset…forever.
God didn’t send me to Honduras to do a work, He sent me to Honduras so
that He could do a work inside of me.
I entered Honduras feeling like I deserved all the good life had to
bring, and I leave Honduras feeling so unworthy, which is the best
feeling. Until we realize that we
are nothing, God cannot be our everything. It is only when Christ becomes our entire world that He will
be able to use us up, and I strongly believe that we will never be truly
satisfied with our lives until we get to a place where we are no longer living
for ourselves and our desires, but for our God and His desires. My prayer is that we would all find
this and live it out. My prayer is
that God would continue to move in Honduras and that the people will be
provided for. My prayer is that we
all become ruined…that we realize and accept our unworthiness and that we
choose to be Christ in a dark world.
To everyone who has kept up with my journey, thank you! Thank you for loving, supporting,
praying and believing in this mission.
May we all accept the call and go!
“God does
everything through people who understand they’re nothing. And God does nothing through those who
think they’re everything.”
John Wood
