Life ramblings

This past week has been a very exciting one!  My dear friend, Jen, came to visit me.  I had been anxiously anticipating her visit and the week went by so quickly.  I was able to take her through my daily life here in Honduras, as well as show her around this part of the country.  We visited Valle de Angeles and did a little local shopping, ate some authentic Honduran comida, ministered to the women and children of the gang village, made bracelets and airplanes with the kids at school and enjoyed much needed girl time.  I am so grateful for the sacrifices she made to come here and for all she brought with her.  I know it is not an easy trip to make and it definitely brings some challenges, but it was a blessing all the way around.  Her visit really got me hopeful for my upcoming time at home.

It has been a couple of weeks since I last wrote and my heart and head have been in constant movement.  I tend to be someone who is very planned out and organized (just ask my mother about my color-coordinated closet).  My “plan” has been to permanently move home in June and spend the upcoming year with my sister.  She will be a senior in high school and I have missed out on most of her childhood and growing up.  My heart has been set on moving back and finding my place in the “normal” world again.  While God has given me peace about this decision, it is still a hard one to make. 

Two weeks ago we were visiting in the gang village.  I have written about Norma before; she owns a pulperia (corner store), has three sons and a daughter and always feeds us when we visit.  Her oldest son is in prison for being a gang member, her middle son is continuously on the run from the police because of suspected gang activity and her younger son and daughter live in the midst of police raids and fear.  During this particular visit, we walked in to visit Norma and you could immediately see the worry on her face.  A few minutes prior we had heard gunshots.  After speaking with Norma, we were told that the police were in the village searching for her son who had just left after eating a quick meal and showering.  She was frantically calling her son but he was not answering.  Had the gunshots been directed at him?  In the midst of all this, she remains a gracious hostess and serves us homemade food.  This is when it happens.  I begin to feel as if I am having a panic attack; I am hot, having a hard time breathing and am overcome with emotion.  I realize that I cannot break down in front of her.  Norma finally reaches her son to find out that he is okay but she is telling him to be careful because the police are after him.  Here I am, sitting in her house, eating her food and witnessing a small glimpse of what her life is every single day – terror, desperation, worry.  All I kept thinking was, “How do you leave…how do you go back to United States?”  Once we left and got in the car, I broke down and spent the remainder of the evening crying and trying to make sense of it all.

That is where I am today – trying to make sense of it all.  Honestly, I don’t know if any of us can make sense of it.  Before I began this journey, I imagined it to be a certain way and it has been far from that expectation.  The setting is different from what I expected, there have been new friendships and loss of friendships, overwhelming loneliness but comfort at the same time, unexpected temptations and needed realizations, bold answers and confusion, hope and despair.  I am terrified about coming back to the United States.  I am afraid of conforming to the selfishness and easiness it so boldly offers.  I am afraid of what people will think of me because I am different from who I was before.  I am worried that I will be bored.  I am worried that I won’t be doing enough.  Notice how many times I said “I”?  That’s the one thing I am still working on – this is not about me and my wants and my worries.  This, whatever “this” is, is about Christ – His work, His name, and His grace. 

Grace.  That’s a whole blog series in itself.  Amidst all of my rambling, the concept of grace is what I hope to take away from my time in Honduras.  Grace is God’s unmerited favor and sufficiency in our lives.  Unmerited favor…do you realize that God’s love for us does not change based on what we do or do not do?  This whole time I kept thinking that if I wasn’t constantly pushing myself and doing as much as I could then God was going to be disappointed in me or love me less.  Apparently I haven’t been listening in church. 

So, whether we are serving as a missionary in a foreign country, teaching in a school in the states, waiting tables, writing speeding tickets or whatever it is you may be doing, God’s grace is covering you.  He can use you and bless you right where you are acting as who you are – good or bad.  I pray that you and I would grow to gain a deeper understanding of this grace and that we would never take it for granted.

I ask that you would pray for me as I prepare to leave Honduras in June.  I know God has prepared the path and I choose to stand hopeful in the plans ahead.

What do I have to do with anything?

Before I moved to Honduras, many people spoke to me about how I needed to prepare myself because God would test me on the mission field in ways that I had never experienced before.  They weren’t kidding.  I think when you make the decision to distance yourself from everything familiar and comfortable, the challenges of life become significantly magnified. 

I grew up living comfortably.  My parents have always been hard workers and my dad always made sure we had what we needed, and for the most part, what we wanted.  When you’re a child, you are so naïve about reality.  You don’t realize the struggles, sacrifices and hardships that may be alive around you.  Wouldn’t you love to go back to childhood?

Over the last 3 years, my family has experienced more loss, heartache and uncertainty than I thought possible.  The loss of loved ones – both unexpected and expected, my dad losing his job and our family struggling to get by, working through emotions of anger and misunderstanding, me moving out of the country with no means of income and my dad having a heart attack just this past Sunday.  That doesn’t even include the tests that we have either kept to ourselves or experienced as individuals.  During my time in Honduras, my faith has been questioned and tested, feelings have been hurt and bouts of loneliness have masked all other emotions.  There have been times when I felt like my body would just give way to the overwhelming sensation of hopelessness.  You always think, “it couldn’t get much worse,” but sometimes it can.

You know what is so beautiful about this grey picture?  God has been and is alive in it all!  When we thought our sadness of losing loved ones would never go away, we were restored with the hope that they are living in the presence of Christ.  When worries of financial strains flooded our daily thoughts, God provided in only ways that He could.  When sickness struck and family was miles away, God was the ultimate Healer.  If our lives were always easy and effortless, there would be no reason for God and His power.  We are merely the bodies that God has chosen to live out the plans He created.  God is not some evil man in the sky who chooses to release havoc and hurt on those of us below.  Rather, God places us in situations where He knows we will grow and learn, and that growth will come because we have to get to a place where we have no other choice but to call out to Him.  None of this is about us and it never has been.  It is all about a God who loved us so much that HE sacrificed it all through his son.  He is alive in all things and our lives are about bringing glory to His name and nothing else. 

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."

-Victor Hugo

Take a glimpse

I wanted to take some time to really give you a solid picture of what God is allowing us to do in Honduras.  He has opened the door to many ministry opportunities and is continuing to bring forth many others.

As I have shared before, we travel to Los Estados Unidos (18^th Street gang village) every Monday.  We meet with the homies’ (gang members in prison) families and the guys play soccer with the kids.  We start off the afternoon in one house and have bible study with a local family.  For fun, we have been teaching them how to cook certain foods and have played some really hilarious games. 

We tied donuts to strings and raced to see who could eat them the fastest!  So funny!

Once we are finished, we walk to another house and visit with a very special family.  They are an older couple that just recently had a baby girl, along with having three other daughters and an older son.  The father has been out of work for months and has no way of providing for his family.  God, however, always provides and someone has volunteered to support this family every month.  The girls are dying to go to school but they have not had the funds, so this monthly support is helping the young girls attend school.  When we visited last week, we walked in the home to find the baby screaming and the mother all alone and struggling to keep strong.  Stress and worry flooded her face but she put on a smile for us.  We sat down with her and we shared with her that her family would be receiving support money every month.  She began to cry and relief took over sadness. 

Our last stop every Monday is Norma’s pulperia (corner store).  Norma is a precious woman with a teenage son and daughter.  She also has an older son who is in prison.  Every week, Norma prepares food for us and offers us a place to sit and relax.  She refuses to take money for the food she prepares.  Language is still a barrier for me but no words are needed when you look at her face – tired, afraid and weary.  The police raid her home on a weekly basis because they are purposely looking for a reason to cause trouble.  The police know that her oldest son is in prison for gang activity and they are hoping to accuse her younger son of the same offense.  However, he is innocent.  When we visited two weeks ago, her younger son was gone.  The police had raided her home at 4 in the morning the Thursday before and beat him.  They saw the boy wearing Nike tennis shoes (Nike is one symbol for the 18^th Street gang) and came to attack him.  Because she was fearful of what may happen, Norma sent her son away for a couple of weeks.  Her daughter lives in fear and suffers from panic attacks on a regular basis.

If you read my previous post, you heard about the family that lives in severe poverty by the river.  We saw the need and prayed that God will allow us to help this family.  Because of the financial support I receive from so many generous hearts, myself and another person were able to fully supply new clothes, shoes and other necessities for this family of almost 30.  Last Saturday, we spent our morning and afternoon bathing the children, cutting and styling everyone’s hair, painting nails, dressing them in their new clothes and taking individual/family photos of them.  There are no men that live there because they are in prison.  Due to this, they never get to see their family.  The photos that were taken will be shared and given to the men in prison, which will be one of the only connections they still have to their families.

 Every other Tuesday, Ms. Lisa and myself lead a teen girl’s bible study.  Young girls from Valle (Valley of the Angels) meet with us in a little church.  Ms. Lisa and I have scheduled topics that we feel are important for these girls.  The girls have so much energy and are thirsty for love and attention.  It can be challenging because they have a difficult time focusing and really listening to what we want to say.  However, God is allowing us to love on them and spend time with them, and sometimes that can be just what people need.

 Hard to believe that I only have four months left in Honduras.  God has already spoken to my heart about where my path may lead.  My heart has been burdened for people who need love and a voice, and God has shown me that He desires for me to continue with missions.  While my path may take me away from Honduras, I have said many times before that we are all called to be missionaries.  There are needs in all corners of the earth.  Along with having the opportunity to live in Honduras, God has opened another door for me to travel to Africa.  In July, I will spend two weeks in Kenya.  During my time in Kenya, I will be ministering to the local people, helping to finish building a school for orphaned children and loving on those on those sweet children.  I am eternally grateful that God is orchestrating opportunities for me and many others to serve Him around the world.  My prayer is that you would pray for these ministries, the people and for the needs of so many.  Pray that they would be met and pray that God will burden your heart for how you can help serve.  I know that sometimes we cannot be the one to actually go, however, God allows us to serve by giving to those who can go.  For what you have already given and for what is to come, thank you for your spiritual support and for your financial support.  Changing lives and spreading the love of Christ in Honduras and Africa would not be possible without generous hearts.  I am simply the body that God is using and you are just as much a part of this as I am.

If you would like to support this mission in Honduras or my upcoming mission to Africa, you may e-mail me or write a check to Lauren Wood (please send to Canton First Baptist Church Canton, NC 28716 and write Honduras or Africa in the memo blank). 

When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them.  Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Romans 12:13

Reflections and Resolutions

Hard to believe that Christmas and time at home have come and gone.  I had anticipated it for so long and it went by so quickly.  I was definitely in need of a refresher and time at home proved to be exactly what I was hoping for.  I don’t think I had one day to just sit and relax, but I was so happy to see family, friends and the sweet familiarity of small-town life.  It made me very excited and hopeful for the future. 

As we are now at the beginnings of a new year, it is the “norm” to reflect upon the last year and make goals for the new one.  I think this may be the first year I am deciding to not focus my energy on a diet/exercise plan, which I know won’t last more than 3 days, but to set my eyes on more internal pursuits.  Before I get to my resolutions for the New Year, I want to share just a few experiences and reflections from 2011.

• This time last year, I was counting down the weeks until my 8-day mission trip to San Ignacio, Honduras.  During this time and the weeks prior, I had been praying that God would direct my next move.  I didn’t know if I should stay in Charlotte or move home, but I could feel God preparing me for something greater.  Looking back a year later, I can’t believe that I am now living in Honduras.  Over this past year, I have been able to see how big our God really is.
• I went from having a decent paying job to a job where I depend on the hearts and donations of others.  This has been a challenge.  However, it was a lesson and an experience that I know God wanted me to have.  Financially, I could be very selfish and materialistic.  God has opened my eyes to greater needs than having the latest fashion trend and what it really means to rely on him.
• I have realized how truly blessed I am to have the friends and family I do.  They are a constant encouragement and support – my prayer warriors.  This is one perfect example of life’s greatest treasures that money cannot buy.
• Unfortunately, I have come to realize what an evil monster judgment can be.  I have experienced anger, hurt, confusion and judgment from others and in my own thoughts that have broken my spirits.  I have learned to not expect so much from other people, rather to expect from God.  He is the only one that will always meet and exceed our expectations.  He never forsakes us or lets us down.
• People are not always going to like you.  I have lived the majority of my life working to please others and gain their approval.  You and I can’t do this.  Know who you are and be proud of that.  God made you the way you are and He makes no mistakes.  Take the negativity from others and allow it to grow and strengthen you.  My mom always told me that the only person you have to answer for at the end of your life is yourself and no one else.
• You do not have to move to a foreign country to be a missionary.  At every place in this world, people are hurting.  God calls us to love and we can do that every minute of every day.  Be a missionary.
• Step out of your comfort zone.  We cannot and will not grow if we remain complacent.  I know it can be scary and uncertain but I believe that if we follow God’s call and we strive to work and love in His name, He will guide and protect our paths.  Do not do yourself an injustice by living “safe” and “comfortable.”  Christ sure didn’t choose that path.
• Lastly, be thankful.  Be thankful you woke up this morning and are blessed to live in a place where you have everything you need.  I think I am correct in saying that you have a warm home, food in your cabinets, a car to drive, money to buy the items you need, clothes to keep you warm, freedom to believe as you choose and many other comforts of life in the United States.  And even as extras, many of us have the latest technological items, expensive accessories, the opportunity to take vacations and many other luxuries.  Until I visited and then moved to a third world country, I did not realize how much I had to be thankful for.  Daily, I see severe poverty, hunger, filth and hurt that I never saw at home.  Please do not take this as discounting the hurt and struggles of many in the United States; however, I think we are all guilty of putting our blinders up and refusing to see the needs around us.  We (myself included) get so comfortable in the “easiness” of our lives and we forget to notice the hardships of others.  We see the newest trend and our now older version isn’t good enough.  We decide to donate an old coat to someone in need and then go by ourselves a brand new coat.  Why is that we didn’t buy the person in need the new coat?  There is more to be done than just donating at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  There is more to be done than volunteering twice a year.  There is more to be done than saying a prayer.  Faith without action is dead.  We see the needs and our hearts break, but do we really do everything we can to see that it is changed?

Resolutions.  Goals.  Hopes.  While all of us have probably considered a diet or new exercise routine, let’s choose an internal makeover instead.  For 2012, I choose to open my eyes and my heart.  I want to love in a more Christ-like way.  I want to be eager to sincerely forgive and see others the way Christ sees them.  I want to find the place where the needs of others are more important to me than my own needs (or should I say wants).  Above all, I choose to glorify God instead of myself.  I am the body that God has simply chosen to do the physical work, but God is the moving force inside of and behind me.  Our accomplishments our not our own; praises and glory be to God and what HE can do in this New Year!

Thanks-living

My apologies for not writing in a few weeks.  I promise that I have had very good intentions but it just happened to be that everytime I was ready to write, the power went out.  I have been watching Good Morning America and have heard about the crazy weather going on in the U.S.  Honduras has had some crazy weather, too.  It has been ridiculously windy and very cold, well, for Honduras anyway.  Today's blog is going to serve as an update.  A lot of exciting things have been going on in the last few weeks.

This was my first Thanksgiving away from my family.  I have always been a home-body and never thought that i would miss a holiday with my family.  To be honest, I was dreading it.  However, it turned out to be one of the best!  At school, I was in charge of the Thanksgiving festivities.  The students helped me decorate the cafeteria for a our Thanksgiving feast, complete with a homemade placecard for each student.  The teachers all prepared a Thanksgiving dish and we served the students a traditional holiday meal.  It was quite humorous to see some of the kid's faces when they tried some of the "American" dishes.  Guess that's what I look like when I try a lot of the local food.  When the students were finished eating, we made oreo turkeys.  They had a blast!  God bless their parents because they left school that day being hyped up on pumpkin cake, pumpkin pie, oreo turkeys, and extra helpings of all the candy leftovers.  After feasting, we led the students in Thanskgiving station games.  There was a coloring station for the little kids, pin-the-feathers-on-the-turkey, and Thanskgiving bingo.  They had a blast!  We ended the day circling up and sharing what we were thankful for.  Talk about emotional when you listen to 14 former orphans share what they are thankful for.  Many of them said they were thankful for the teachers because we had left our families to come teach them.  Tear-jerker, isn't it?  On Thanksgiving day, I spent the morning in the ktichen preparing food.  This was my first year actually cooking something for the meal.  I made crockpot macaroni and cheese, pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese filling, and russian tea.  For those of you from Haywood County, are we the only ones who know about russian tea?  I have yet to meet someone outside of Haywood County that knows what it is.  Anyway, it has been a huge hit...I think I might mass produce and sell it as a side job.  For Thanksgiving dinner, we spent the evening at the orphanage.  Thankfully, it reminded me a lot of home.  There was lots of noise, laughter, and delicious food.  I did miss my family very much but feel very lucky to have been able to spend a Thanksgiving in Honduras with my new family, friends, and sweet kiddies.

Oreo turkeys at school

Thanksgiving at the orphanage

The orphanage was already decorated for Christmas.  Each child has an ornament with their name on it.

During our next visit, the ladies wanted to cook chop suey for us.  The routine of our visit is that the guys play soccer with the kids and us girls meet with the women.  I had heard wonderful things about this chop suey and was eager to see the ladies cook.  Unlike our "typical" homes, these ladies live in homes with pieced-together rooves and walls, dirt or cement floors, and outdoor cooking and bathing rooms.  We went to the outdoor kitchen and watched these women cook over a handmade cement stove.  They would go back and forth between inserting more firewood and walkng outside to the washbasin to clean dishes.  Everything was very old-school.  The food was delicious...it contained noodles, butter, spices, vegetables, loads of salt, chicken, and hot dogs.  They love hot dogs over here!

Tomorrow we will visit this village and will teach the women how to make Christmas cookies.  Their hope is that they can learn to make cookies and sell them for money.  If it were my choice, every single person in the United States would travel to a third-world country and see how so many in this world live.  I am not saying that people in the U.S. don't have problems or struggle, but I think that if we saw the troubles that others faced on a daily basis, we would gladly choose our troubles over their's.

Hard to believe but God has already started speaking to me about what I may need to do in the future.  Crazy to think that I have only been here since August and God is already preparing me for the next step.  Please, if you have never traveled and distanced yourself from comfort and normalcy, go and don't look back.  Whether it's for a week, a month, a year, or longer, just go!  God will bless you and teach you so much more than you could ever imagine.

As I am preparing to head home for Christmas in two weeks, I will admit that I am nervous.  I have seen and been exposed to so many hurts, faces, stories, and different ways of life, and I am worried that I will have a hard time adjusting back to a society that is known to be selfish.  At the end of each day, I feel so extremely grateful for the life I have been given.  While I am thankful, I don't want to become complacent.  There is so much need and help to be given and so many stories that haven't been heard.  None of us can do it alone.  How do we motivate?  How do we start?  Is it possible to really change the world for the better?

Lauren