Calming the storm...and me

The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us!  We're going to drown!"

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"  Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Matthew 8:25-26

Storms.  We all go through them, right?  Death, loss of love, financial struggles, and every other uncertanity and pain that life can bring.  For the past 3 weeks, I have been struggling.  Why am I here?  Why can't I just live a "normal" life?  Why can't I be with my family?  Where are you God?  These are just a few of the thoughts that have been clouding my mind since my arrival in Honduras.  I will admit, though, that things have gotten easier.  However, even though some things have gotten easier, I still catch myself constantly worrying.  For those of you who know me well, you know that I worry about something to worry about.  Not my finest quality, I'll admit.  When I decided to take this step, my thought was that God would work through me for the betterment of others.  I guess I thought that my purpose in coming here was to be the one who helps, not be the helped.  I know it is only a few weeks in, but God is beginning to show me things that I was not expecting.  Bear with me for a little bit...I will do my best to truthfully share what I've been thinking and feeling.

I have always thought of myself as a strong Christian, not the best Christian, but strong in my faith.  It is easy to go around acting like you believe and trust, and telling yourself that you believe and trust, but the reality is...I don't think I've been very honest with myself.  After participating in mission trips for most of my life, I felt confident in my ability to love and help those in need.  After teaching in an inner-city school for two years and seeing the fruits of my labor, I felt confident in my ability to teach the youth of today.  So of course, I felt it to be God's will that I come here and teach.  I came into this thinking that was my purpose - teach and love these kids.  Honestly, I have not been happy going to work everyday.  I miss my "normal" school and my "normal" kids.  I have been continuously doubting that I have purpose here, until today.  My "storm", like the disciples, is not my circumstance but myself and my trust in God.  At church this morning, Pastor Pete spoke about the above verse from Matthew, and it occurred to me, maybe God's main purpose in bringing me here wasn't to help calm the storms in the lives of other, but to calm the storm in me?  I lay in my bed every evening feeling terrified.  Why?  I don't know.  God is starting to reveal himself to me in a mightier way than ever before.  I have lived my life always being within a good distance of comfort.  I have always had "normal" to fall back on, until now.  I do believe that God has a plan for me that involves me helping and loving the people of Honduras.  Above that, I believe God desires for me to learn to live a life completely secure in His promises.  I apologize if this is the image I have portrayed, one of complete faith in God.  During these past few weeks, God has really opened my eyes to how much I need to grow as a Christian.  This is the first time in my life where I feel like I am really learning what it means to live a life that is completely submitted to Him.  I have never been so scared.  Crazy to think that God had to get me to another country to learn this.  

When people would ask me why I wanted to do this, I would say it was because I was terrified that I would get to the end of my life and know that I had wasted gifts and opportunities.  I have been wasting some of my time here because I have been discounting God's faithfulness.  My "theme" verse has become the verse below.  My prayer is that me and you both would take time to breathe and be still in God's promises.   

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14

Finding rest in God's promises,

Lauren

I'm not crying, it's just raining on my face

I have almost survived two whole weeks!  I do have to say that these have been the most challenging weeks of my life.  As many of you have seen on facebook, I have been very emotional and am having a hard time being away from home.  God bless my new friends because they have to listen to me cry and vent about missing home.  You know the saying "you are your own worst enemy?"  Well, meet the enemy...me!  I constantly remind myself of what I am missing at home and it is clouding the experiences I am gaining here.  For the last few days, my constant thought has been "why me?"  Why would God choose me to come and do this?  I have always been someone who likes comfort.  Granted, I haven't lived permanently at home since I was 18, but home was always just a quick drive away.  Before Honduras was even a thought, my plan had been to move home so I could spend time with Leia before she finishes school and establish myself at home with my family.  When God placed Honduras in my path, I was so excited because moving out of the country sounds really cool, right?  Well, easy to say until the move actually happens.  I was told that Satan would try to attack me once I got here, and man-oh-man has he ever.  My faith has been tested, my heart has hurt more than it ever has before, and I find myself focusing on everything negative.  I want to say "thank you" for the constant encouragement, bible verses, and prayers...they have all come at the perfet time and I am keeping record of it all!  In the midst of everything scary, I am extremely grateful to know that even when I don't believe in myself, I have wonderful people in my life who do.  One of my best friends asked me to start making a list of one good thing that happens everyday, so I am going to share quite a few of the cool things I have been able to experience.  Before I share the list, I ask for you to continue praying; pray that I realize God's purpose for me being here, that my heart softens, and I remember the reason I came.  I am still  wondering why in the world God chose me to do this, but He hasn't let me down yet, so here goes nothing!

Really Awesome Honduras Experiences:
 - Hello beans!  I am finally embracing the beans in this country...delicious and nothing like what they have in the states.
 - Never a dull moment when driving.  Our car situation is definitely one to laugh about.  We have a beaten up old Suzuki Samurai that is on its last leg.  I was laughing hysterically today while riding in it because I would be mortified to drive it in the states, but love it here.  I will get pictures for you!
 - New friends.  Bobby, Julie, and Dom have kept me somewhat sane.  When we are all together, there is nothing but constant laughter.  This is the best blessing!
 - The kids.  I have never met kids who are so quick to love.  Before they even knew my name, the kids ran up and hugged me.  Even though I only teach 5th and 6th grade, every student makes you feel loved.  For these children to have experienced so many horrific and tragic things in their lives, they love with everything they have.
 - Constant encouragement.  God bless everyone here because they have had to listen to my crying everyday but haven't complained once.  They have done nothing but encourage me and have kept me busy. We really are a family here...we do everything together and I am so very thankful for that.

And not only you, but anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields - whatever - because of me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life.

Matthew 19:29

<3 Lauren

Goodbyes feel the same in every language

As many of you have seen and heard, I am having a really hard time dealing with homesickness and adjusting to my new life in Honduras.  I have been praying and praying for God to comfort me, and He answered a small piece of my prayer this morning.

Today was my first Sunday experiencing my new church home and it was phenomenal!  It is truly a beautiful sight to see hands lifted and voices raised in a different language singing out to our God.  At the beginning of the service, a young lady in the band was asked to come up on stage with her mother.  This young lady was leaving to go to school in New Mexico.  I saw both the excitement and sadness on her face, and those emotions are all too familiar.  Also, Pastor Peter (my head boss) and Mrs. Tyanne's son, Josh, is moving to Orlando this upcoming week.  Their family has lived in Honduras for the last 20 years and Josh's wife, Anna, is a native of Honduras.  With today being their last Sunday at the church, there were many tears and emotions.  I was able to see that people all over the world are seeking God's will for their lives and are making big decisions.  For the past few days, I have felt so alone in that thought.  People kept telling me that I was brave for making the decision to move to Honduras, but I didn't see it as bravery until I got here.  It is a terrifying, lonely, exciting, humbling, and every other emotion all at the same time.  God was awesome in showing me that people all over the world have or will experience the same emotions that I am experiencing.

My prayer is that God reminds me of why I am here and that I can look past my own fears and find comfort in God' promises.

<3 Lauren

Yes, I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

Just keep swimming...

Hola!  As of now, that is about the only Spanish I am speaking.  Well, I have officially been living in Honduras for two days and it has been an emotional rollercoaster.  To get you up to speed, our plane landed in San Pedro Sula, Honduras around 1:30 am on Wednesday, we then waited in the airport until 5 am to catch a bus to Tegucigalpa, and finally arrived to our destination around 10:30 am.  With waiting for our ride and the actual drive to the house, we didn't get to the house until after lunchtime.  At that point, I was extremely exhausted, overwhelmed, and a blubbering mess.  I am embarrassed to say that I cried all day yesterday and have felt pangs of wanting to cry today, but have not.  For weeks I was so excited and couldn't stop imagining being here, and now that it is here, I am terrified.  Luckily, my wonderful friends at home made me a friendship quilt and that has comforted me tremendously, along with cards, pictures, e-mails, facebook messages, and skyping with my family.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the support.  God knew I needed it – big time!  There really aren’t a lot of words to describe my emotions.  At one moment, I’m in awe that I’m here and living this, and then a minute later, all I want to do is cry.  I miss a familiar face, the comfort of a familiar room, and a familiar hug.  I never doubted that God wanted me here but it is really hard to stay focused on that when you are so overwhelmed with being homesick.  I feel like I just moved to college again and I remember sitting in my dorm room the first few nights and just crying because of being terrified and alone.  For all of you reading this, I promise that more positive posts are to come but I promised honesty, so that’s what I’m giving.

For a little positive, we had our first workday at the school and I got the purple and lime green room!!!  I am super excited!  Pictures will come later because the shipment hasn’t arrived with all of my decorations, so my room is bare (and you all know how I am).  Also, we to Valle this evening and I ate my first authentic Honduran meal…pupusas!!  If you love cheese, this is your meal.  They take a handful of corn tortilla dough and round it into a ball, make a hole in the center, fill it with cheese, and fry it!  Doesn’t that sound amazing?  In the next few minutes, I am going to head downstairs and have movie night with Julie and Lisa (thank God for them).  Oh, one more thing…my room is beautiful!  I am still unpacking, so those pictures will come soon.  And just as an interesting side note, I have brushed my teeth with the water and I’m all good (for now anyway)!

Again, thank you for the overwhelming amount of love and encouragement.  They have all come at the perfect time and I am extremely grateful.  Please keep praying.  I was told this wouldn’t be easy, but I had forgotten that homesick is the worst sick you can be.  Pray that God shows me why I’m here.  Hope all is well in America!  Miss you all!

Lauren

Goodbye America, Hola Honduras

As of now, I am sitting in the Ft. Lauderdale Airport terrified out of my mind and already missing home.  Just got off the phone with my parents and they are already having to encourage me and remind me as to why I am doing this.  I haven't lived at home (permanently) since I was 18, so this should be easy, right?  Words are few but emotions are many (thanks Pastor Jay).  Thank you for all of your constant encouragement and prayers.  If you don't mind, I ask that you keep praying...this is a lot to take in.

See you in Honduras,
Lauren

Don't Worry, Be Happy

In exactly three weeks I will be on a plane headed to Honduras!  What in the world?!?  Many people have been asking how things are going, how they can help, what I am feeling, and so on. Well, as my parents would probably tell you, I have not been the most pleasant person the last couple of weeks.  While I am beyond excited and anxious to move, I have been completely overwhelmed.  The paperwork, packing, accepting reality, and financial strain have all been STRESSING ME OUT!  I think the devil has been working overtime (but I don't need to give him any credit).  


As of today though, I can finally say that my boxes are packed and shipped, most of my paperwork is finished, and things are starting to look up.  My family and I traveled to Tennessee today to meet Bobby and Julie, a married couple that I will be working with in Honduras.  They are wonderful!!  They have listended to my ranting, answered my many questions, and are so graciously taking my boxes to the shipping location so I don't have to pay to ship them.  For the first time in a few weeks, I finally rediscovered the excitement and positivity that has been lacking.  

Even in the midst of frustration, I am constantly amazed at how God works and how He is constantly affirming my move.  It seems that He places someone in my path, almost weekly, who has a connection to Honduras.  I spent a week in Birmingham, Alabama on a World Changers mission project and a guy on my crew has a ministry in Honduras...crazy, huh?  We were able to talk, share, and enjoy special stories from our personal experiences.  Last week, I spoke to an Acteens group at a church and a lady from Honduras was actually visiting.  I spent the last part of the evening talking and connecting with her.

Finances have been a big stresss lately.  It has been very difficult for me adjusting to the fact that I am going to have to rely a lot on outside support and donations/assistance from individuals, rather than getting a "normal" paycheck.  I keep telling my parents that I don't want to be a burden to them or other people, and I'm really not good with asking for help.  But again, God always comes through.  A very wise person shared with me, "There are goers and there are senders."  Not everyone can go, so the senders helps the goers go.  Let me just say, the senders are just as much a part of the mission as the goers - we couldn't go without the senders.

 Funny thing is, I'm not even in Honduras yet and God is already taking care of all the details.  Thank you to everyone for your encouragement, love, and your prayers.  You don't realize how much your kindness helps.  

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philippians 4:6

If you are interested in "sending", here are some great ways to help:

- Prayer

- Financial support

- Sharing my story

- Donating school supplies

If you would like more information about any of these, please feel free to contact me at Lmwood86@gmail.com

With a heart full of gratitude,

Lauren

Goodbyes are never easy...

Well, I'm already terrible at keeping up with this thing, but I promise I will get better!  The countdown has begun and I can't believe that in a month and a half I will be in Honduras!!  People keep asking me if I am excited, scared, nervous, etc,. and I keep telling them that I  really don't know what to feel because this doesn't seem real.  However, the main emotion is excitement!  Not that I'm ready to leave my friends and family, but I am excited to see what God has in store and to get going...I feel like I'm just sitting and waiting and I'm ready to go!  
Okay, to the goodbye part...school ended on June 10th and I spent that day and the ones before saying goodbye to the people and life which had become "home" to me during the last 2 years.  In response to me teaching middle school, and above that, middle school in urban Charlotte, people would say, "Why?", "Wow, I'll be sure to pray for you!", "You're crazy!", and so on.  I remember feeling terrified about teaching at Albemarle Road Middle because I had heard nothing but terrible things - gang violence, low-performing school, bad behavior, no parent involvement.  Here I was, small-town gal that had no real "diverse" experiences, and was taking the only opportunity that was given to me.  You will hear me say this a lot, but God really knows what He is doing.  For the past two years, my life cup has been continually overflowing with laughter and love.  I told my students that I would pack each of them up and take them with me if I could.  Needless to say, there were many tears on those last few days.  What beautiful children God blessed me with!  I sometimes think that teachers are looked down upon because of social status or whatever, but there will never be a better paycheck than the one of "thank you's", "love you's", hugs, and sweet memories that I have been blessed to receive.  If you are someone who works with the kids of today, I encourage you to love them, even when they may not love you back.  Sometimes we forget that they are kids and in the midst of their nasty attitudes, crazy antics, drama, and everything else, they need hope and love just like the rest of us.

God knew what He was doing when He placed me out of my comfort zone.  It took a small step to lead  to a bigger step.  I now know that I would not be prepared and able to move to Honduras if I had not had the experience of teaching in Charlotte.  Upon my move to Charlotte, God opened only one door for a reason, and He has opened my door to Honduras for a reason.  So Honduras, get ready...I'm coming!